Neck Crank Challenge
by Ififall
Summary: BBC 3 show "Uncle" Fanfiction. Nick and Nate Diaz Fanfiction. Using The "Uncle" song "I Like Like you" Lyrics. Errol is in high school and has a crush on an MMA fighter. Can his Uncle Andy help him?


A/N: Strong Language. Adult scenes. Nick and Nate Diaz are teenagers in this Story. The Song in Bold is an Alternate version of Song In the TV show "Uncle" The song's called "I like like you" composed by Nick Helm and Andy Jones.

* * *

"_**When Errol thinks about Nick **_

_**Nick makes his chest feel all tight,**_

_**He has to shake his inhaler, **_

_**Suck with all of his might"**_

* * *

_A few years before..._

Errol walked into the club with his Uncle. The stench of cigarettes hurt his nostrils. He saw some guy twirling around a pole In jeans. Errol tried not to look at his arse, but it was better than the view in the front centre. His uncle Andy had told him about this guy. He was Gwen's Dad but he dressed in girls clothes, for the punters apparently.

"Who's this little lad? Your carer?" Val said.

* * *

"No. If I had a carer she'd be a hot busty blonde and in a mixture of attraction and pity, we'd get married. No, this is my Nephew and we're….we're a band" Andy said.

"Ain't he a bit too young to be in this club?" Val asked.

"He's just gonna sing in it. He's not cruising for gay hook-ups is he?" Andy said.

"Umm…..no" Errol said.

* * *

_**"Errol ****sees Nick walk down the halls,**_

_**He sees Nick run down the street, **_

_**Errol Can't focus in science,**_

_**Nick gives him ADHD"**_

* * *

That was then and this was now. Little Errol was now a Teenager. He wasn't cruising for Hook-ups like Uncle Andy said. But he wanted to. Errol never really wanted to act on his crushes. He was in high-school now. The lads he liked always had excuses tattooed on them. Like, Stephan would be great, if he didn't have a girlfriend, Peter would be nice if he wasn't fucking the Head-Teacher's daughter. Ellis would be ideal if he wasn't stuck in a detention centre. For Errol there were always reasons why he couldn't go after guys in his school.

* * *

But when the Diaz Brother's walked into class. The rules changed. Going after Nate would have been easier. The younger Brother was Nate Diaz. He was shorter than his Brother. Nate talked more, smiled more and was easier to get along with. Nick was older. He didn't talk much and he had these group of older friends that had come with him on a scholarship.

Errol knew that he had to get closer to Nick, but he didn't know how.

* * *

"_**Errol feels his temperature rise**_

_**He sees his hopes start to drop**_

_**All these heart Palpitations **_

_**Can Nick Diaz make it stop?"**_

* * *

"Uncle Andy…..why start this band thing again?" Errol asked.

"I wanna get Gwen back" Andy said. "Bands are the best way to do that" Errol helped his Uncle audition Eighty year old singers, Skinhead drummers and half-naked lead guitarists.

"That last one was quite good" Errol said.

* * *

"Yeah but he had huge good looking pouty lips" Andy said. I don't want anyone too good looking. I want a….hunchback with a dodgy eye" Andy said. When the auditions were over Andy went out for a smoke. He came back and Errol was playing the piano.

"Errol I thought you were gonna be shit, but….would you like to be in my band?" Andy asked.

"Why? I'm not hunchback with a dodgy eye" Errol said.

"No you're more nerdy…." Andy said.

"I'm not a nerd"

* * *

"You're missing the point. If you want to get laid…..when you're older…cause right now you could never get laid or your mum would kill me. But everyone who's in a band gets laid" Andy said.

"Really? How do you get people to like you?" Errol asked.

"You mean lads?" Andy asked with a smile.

* * *

"Andy!" Errol said. He didn't want anyone knowing.

"I'm not gonna tell your Mum, she'd just punch me in the face for labelling you too early. But….it's a lad isn't it?" Andy asked.

Errol nodded.

* * *

"_**Nick makes him sick in his mouth**_

_**Nick makes Errol come out in hives**_

_**Nick puts Errol's stomach in knots **_

_**He has to loosen his tie"**_

* * *

Andy was the last person that could judge Errol, or anyone. He was an ambitious unemployed slob that was still pinning for his Ex. To take his mind off things he could help Little Errol, as long as his Little Nephew was just doing the simple stuff like hand holding and dates. Andy couldn't handle getting Little Errol a gay karma Sutra book or looking online at BDSM for boys. No, Errol would be squeaky clean….well, in front of his Mum anyway.

"So….who's the lucky lad?" Andy asked.

"Nick Diaz, MMA wannabe. Eighteen years old. He's sporty. He's been involved in MMA for Two years. Diaz practices MMA. Stuff like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, boxing, Kick-boxing, wrestling, Judo and Sambo" Errol asked.

* * *

"If this Diaz is a wannabe, you better make sure he's got a proper job" Andy said.

"Why? You don't" Errol said.

"You don't want this Nick Diaz to take the piss and not take you seriously. You want him to respect you. Like the way Jennifer Aniston respects me in her dreams" Andy said.

* * *

"How can Nick Diaz like or respect me? I know nothing about Brazilian Jiu-jitsu or Karate….or MMA" Errol said.

"Well then Rolly…it's time to become a Karate kid" Andy said.

* * *

"_**Errol doesn't like Nick, he likes likes Nick**_

_**Errol doesn't like Nick, he likes likes Nick"**_

* * *

Of course Errol wasn't going to become a real Karate kid. He'd just got a bunch of Karate and MMA DVD's that Andy got on Ebay. He was going to pull what Andy called, "The Talented Mr Ripley move" "So Rolly, you bump into Nick and surprise surprise. An MMA DVD pops out and there begins a beautiful friendship, that includes no touching what so ever" Andy said.

"What if Nick wants to thank me and kisses me on the cheek?" Errol asked.

* * *

"Kissing on the cheek? Only sluts do that Rolly….If Diaz does that get rid" Andy said.

Errol put the "Talented Mr Ripley move" into action. He was so close to Nick Diaz he could smell him. For someone that went to school during the day and did MMA afterwards, Nick smelt really good. Errol was on the move ready to brush his bag against Diaz's muscular body, when someone else bumped into him. Errol's face slammed against a locker and his books fell out of his bag.

* * *

"Shit…sorry" Nate Diaz said picking up Errol's books.

"It's…fine" Errol said. He patted his face, but stopped when it hurt.

"Go to the nurse. Your face looks like shit" Nate said. His Brother Nick and his friends had turned around and were watching them.

"I'm aware that I look like shit. No thanks to you" Errol said grabbing his books and going to the first aid room.

* * *

"_**Errol can walk Nick home after school **_

_**He'll walk Nick straight to his house, **_

_**He'd like to give Nick a kiss,**_

_**But not a kiss on the mouth"**_

* * *

"Rolly what have you done?" His Mum said when she and Andy picked him up from school.

"Yes Errol what ever have you done?" Andy asked. "Please tell me it didn't get kinky" Andy Whispered. When Errol's Mum went out Andy and Errol went to Andy's flat. "Is that what MMA's about Rolly?" Andy asked. "Did Diaz give you a whack and then ask for a kiss behind the bike-sheds?" Andy asked.

"No…I bumped into Nick Diaz's Brother Nate instead. My face got bruised and Nick think's I'm a idiot" Errol said.

* * *

"An idiot that can handle pleasure and pain. Nick might put that into good use, you know, when you're over eighteen" Andy said.

"I'm just going to go up to Nick and…tell him that…..I want to see him fight sometime" Errol said.

"Make it clear that you don't want to fight him. You hit like a girl" Andy said.

* * *

"Like Miesha Tate….she's a cute fighter that hits really hard" Errol said.

"Wait women do MMA as well? Well…that's my evening sorted" Andy said pulling out his laptop.

* * *

_**"Errol can take Nick out on a date **_

_**He'll meet him right by the gym,**_

_**But he can't stay out too late,**_

_**He's got the piano at six"**_

* * *

Errol had made his mind up. He was going to challenge MMA fighter Nick Diaz today. Challenge him to have a good time, and have another friend. Errol told himself to relax like Uncle Andy said. He walked down the corridor and saw Nick in the Maths block. But before he could approach him, Nick's little Brother Nate was by Errol's side once again.

"Hey….. the bruise healing?" Nate asked.

"With an Ice-pack yeah….umm….I'm sorry I was rude" Errol said. If he was going to try to make a pass at Nick, he'd have to be on good terms with Nick's little Brother. "So umm….cause I like nearly took your eye out….my Brother's got a fight coming up….wanna go?" Nate asked.

* * *

"So let me get this kind of straight, well as straight as it can be in **_this_** story. You want Nick Diaz. But his Brother Nate Diaz asked you out….seriously?" Andy said when Errol told him the news.

"Nate didn't ask me out…..he's saying sorry" Errol said.

"Are you going?" Andy said.

* * *

"If it gets me closer to Nick…why not?" Errol asked.

"Rolly you can't go" Andy said.

"Why...because it's morally wrong?" Errol asked.

"No because you haven't bagged me a ticket" Andy said.

* * *

"_**Errol doesn't like Nick, he likes likes Nick**_

_**Errol doesn't like Nick he likes likes Nick"**_

* * *

"Wow….there's a lot of people here" Errol said as they looked around at the crowd with their beers and popcorn. Some kids from school were there. But even if they saw Errol they weren't going to say hello. A Few moments later Nick Diaz and his next opponent were introduced. Nick was facing this guy called Chris "Lights out" Lytle. He was a wrestler, boxer and a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu guy. He was older than Nick and more experienced. Andy got up as the fight began.

"Yeah...come on Chris!" Andy yelled.

"We're cheering for Nick" Errol corrected.

* * *

"Oh….come on guys!" Andy shouted. The fight got off to a slow start. Diaz was blocking most of Chris' takedowns and charging forward with punches. Unsettled by Diaz's punching power Chris Lytle wrestled Nick to the ground and kept taking him down for the whole three rounds. Frustrated Nick gave him the finger.

"Diaz is a Cocky little Bastard isn't he?" Andy said.

Errol could hear the other kids calling out Nick's name and decided to do the same. Quietly. The cheers didn't help, as Chris pretty much tackled Nick again to the ground and started hitting him. The fight went to a decision.

* * *

"Come on Nick!" Andy yelled.

"And…..the fight's over" The Announcer said.

"Well done Diaz!" Andy said.

* * *

"And your Winner by unanimous decision….Chris Lytle!" The Announcer said.

Nick swore and Andy covered Errol's ears, but he'd heard it anyway.

"Let's go" Errol said standing up. Andy grabbed his popcorn and got up with his Nephew. They walked out of the crowded area.

* * *

_**"Errol could save Nick's space in the queue **_

_**He'll give Nate answers in Maths **_

_**He'll take Nick out to the zoo **_

_**If Nick sits with him in class"**_

* * *

They walked through the stony Grey corridor. Andy stopped when he saw Nick Diaz in the locker room. "Rolly there's your guy. Here's your chance" Uncle Andy said. Errol just looked at Nick through the window. Uncle Andy had many flaws but he could talk to anyone. Man, woman, anyone that would listen. Errol couldn't, especially with guys that he liked. He looked at Nick and stayed rooted to the spot. It was like Nick Diaz had a power over him, that Errol couldn't explain.

Andy bent down near the door to tie his trainers. Then the door opened.

"Ow!" Andy said. Nick's little Brother Nate Diaz came out of the room.

* * *

"Sorry...oh it's you" He said to Errol.

"Yeah...Nate...this is my Uncle Andy" Errol said.

"I'm in agony" Andy said holding his head.

* * *

_**"It's everything that Nick can't say **_

_**It's the way that Diaz hits, **_

_**Errol doesn't just like Nick a bit, **_

_**Errol likes likes likes Nick"**_

* * *

"Hang on...I'll get you a band aid" Nate said. He went into the room and got a plaster. He gave it to Andy. Andy, then got up and opened the door a little.

"Hey Nick...we're big fans" Andy said. Nate tried to block them, but to Errol's surprise, Nick said that they could come in. Errol started sweating. He was about to see MMA star Nick Diaz up close and personal.

"Play it cool Rolly" Andy said, patting Errol on the shoulder. Andy went in and patted Nick on his sweaty shoulder.

"Great night, great fight Nick" Andy said. "You'll have to teach Little Errol how to fight...he's crap" Andy said.

"You watch the UFC?" Nick asked Andy.

* * *

"I'm more of a Pride FC fan" Andy said.

"Me too" Nick said. As Andy and Nick started talking Errol wondered outside and Nate followed him.

"Do you fight too?" Errol asked.

"Nah... but I want to" Nate said.

* * *

"In which field? MMA, Wrestling, Taekwondo, Kick-Boxing, Karate, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, Judo, Sambo?" Errol asked.

"Wow you know your stuff" Nate said. "I'm probably gonna need your advice" Nate said they exchanged numbers and Nate walked back to into the room. Seconds later Andy came out.

* * *

"Have a nice chat with Nick?" Errol asked.

"Don't sound bitter Rolly...But Yeah I was talking to Nick...while you were pulling Nick Diaz's little Brother. Rolly...you tart" Andy teased.


End file.
